On the Outside of Everything

I pry open my crust-covered eyes after the night's slumber. It's already hot in the early morning, and a thick humidity hangs in the air.

In the dark, my phone vibrates beneath me--it's one of my kids.

"Where are you today? Can you get us something from there?" he pleads.

"I'll try, for sure," I mutter.

We're in Nashville--a city I don't know well. I'm going to need help with this. I hastily get myself together and message my friend Jay Weinberg, who's lived here for a while. He graciously offers some direction on where to hunt for souvenirs.

I head out, first hanging my sopping clothes from the night before on the trailer hitch, hoping they'll dry before tonight's set.

As thunderclouds ominously stack overhead, I walk down an industrial-leaning stretch of Woodland Street toward civilization, cutting through parking lots and random businesses to save time. Eventually, I land at a shop and pick up a few things I think will light them up.

I choose a different route back, opting for side streets--veering down alleyways here and there, hoping to be surprised by something, anything. Nothing happens. I don't see a soul. There's nothing like the isolation of walking alone through an unfamiliar city. It's as if you're on the outside of everything, peering into a world that isn't yours. Alien.

As heavy, sporadic raindrops begin pelt my face, I make it back to the venue just in time to pull my clothes in from the incoming rain. We then get into soundcheck, going through the familiar song and dance, before ripping through some new tracks.

Afterward, I find a place to hold up and write. I scroll through our list of newly recorded songs. It's daunting. The past few days have been a whirlwind and I haven't had the time I hoped for to truly immerse myself in the process. Down we go.

I begin by listening to one song on repeat, trying to understand its spirit.

Last-minute creative decisions have given the music an unfamiliar color. I need to commit this new push and pull to muscle memory. After a few dozen play-throughs, a myriad of phrasing ideas surface. I try each one on--like outfits in a fitting room--observing the strengths and flaws of each.

As sound loudly reverberates through my headphones, I scroll through what I've earmarked--about five hundred words for this particular track. I flag the malleable passages, the ones that naturally bend to the lurch of the song. Trusting the process, an introductory line begins to rise through the boil:

"They fear what they can't love--be your own light when there is none."

It reads like a modern mantra--both a deeply personal statement and a broader call to action. I pause to reflect on the moments in my life when that truth echoed loudest--on the experience that inspired the line in the first place. As bitter verses begin to crystallize, a hard edge, a certain bleakness, sets in:

"In the wake of morning
our sun won't shine
unless we begin
to twist the knife
The war of living
absolves us all
Learn this lesson or
be forced to crawl"

As I continue to chisel the verse structure, the song's working title falls away like a shedding skin. "Amon Amok" is born.

Before I know it, showtime is near. I head back inside the venue to catch the Tennessee band Waxed. They were incredible--embodying a Southern swagger and a hardcore soul that's captivating to watch.

Waxed live in Nashville, TN.

Old friends Generation of Vipers were also equally as powerful with their brand of frantic metal and punk.

Inspired by both, we take the stage, tearing through an hour-long set. In the looser, more freeform moments, I weave in fragments of the lyrics I wrote earlier--spoken passages that fuse the old and the new into one living, breathing work of art.

Converge live in Nashville, TN. Photos by Nick Zimmer for New Noise Magazine.

Drained in every sense, I slink offstage and stumble into the venue's shower. As cold water runs down my neck, days of embedded grime visibly swirls down the drain.

Birmingham tomorrow.

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Converge, on tour:
July 25 Indianapolis, IN - Post. Festival
July 26 Denver, CO - Unhinged Festival
July 27 Cut Bank, MT - Fire in the Mountains

Oct 05 Birmingham, AL - Furnace Fest

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Music & Merch
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